Failure, a Necessary Step Toward Success
Society has conditioned us to relish success and view failure as a shortcoming.
If success rests at one end of a spectrum, failure is the opposite.
Failure is bad.
We grow up with a sense that failure is not an option. That if we fail at something it is a sign of our inadequacies that must quickly be buried or cast aside. So, we harbor shame over our failures and vow to never make the mistake again. This thinking can lead to a paralysis for fear we might fail and, in some cases, cause us to get stuck in ineffective patterns, out of fear of trying something new. The truth of the matter is that failure is a necessary part of success, as it offers opportunities for personal growth and can be a teacher if we can just shift our perspective and begin to embrace failure as an essential step on our path to success, rather than a lack of success.
Failure = Growth.
Let’s shift our perspective. Rather than viewing failure as a stumbling block, think if it as a detour in the right direction.
Having a lighthearted and open attitude is key. When we can objectively look at our failures instead of shaming ourselves, we are gifting ourselves the space to learn something about ourselves and grow emotionally in the process.
Failure = Teacher.
Failing and failing often—with an attitude of growth—builds resilience and grit because it makes us stronger, not weaker. It gives us a chance to see what behavior or action doesn’t serve our intended outcome, and gives us the opportunity to adjust. This adjustment can open up endless possibilities that we never would’ve seen had we just shamed ourselves for our failures.
One of the best parts about allowing ourselves to fail, and openheartedly learning from our failures and moving forward, is that is shows us that when we fall off the proverbial bike, it’s not the end of the world and we can get back up and try again, stronger, faster, harder. This resilience coupled with the lessons we learned from our failure brings us even closer to our success.
How do we get beyond the paralysis?
JUST DO IT.
It’s not just a Nike slogan! Sometimes, getting out there and just doing something- anything- is the first step out of the paralysis. This might sound impossible at the moment, so let’s break it down.
Understanding the Fear Response
Anticipation is usually the hardest part of moving forward because it’s a feeling based in fear. To move out of this fear and into action, it can help to understand biologically why we can get stuck here:
The part of our brain that runs our fear response is the amygdala, the one that tells us to fight, flight or freeze.
The amygdala sends signals to our autonomic nervous system (ANS) to trigger a cascade of catecholamines like adrenaline and noradrenaline, which increases our heart rate, and feelings of nervousness, stress, or causes us to freeze with a “blank mind.”
This stress response gets triggered the same whether we are nervous about failing or nervous we’re literally going to get eaten by a lion!
You can see that the fear response is helpful when we’re in the vicinity of a lion because it aims to keep us alive by telling us to run and provides the body with a surge of chemicals so we can run really fast! But you can also see how this same fear response keep us “stuck” when we’re stressed by fear of the unknown or fear of failure. This is an emotional loop that doesn’t serve our best interest or allow us to move forward.
Work WITH the Stress Response instead of Against It
The good news is that we can calm the stress response (work with it, instead of against it) to get free of it. Using some stress relief methods, like deep breathing and intellectualizing the situation, allows your body to begin to see that you won’t die if you fail, and the stress response will begin to subside. In this case, rationalizing the situation can mean asking yourself, “what is the worst possible outcome if I fail at this?” If your answer to that question still feels too scary, try changing your perspective— instead of viewing it with fear, what gems or possibilities or opportunities could open up for you if you move through the fear and just do it anyway?
Practice Makes Perfect
Okay so PERFECT is probably a bar too high, but talking ourselves through failure, allowing ourselves to fail, and learning from those failures is a learned skill. The best way to make failure work for you is to do it again and again. Step into it- despite the fear of failure, with the intention that, if you fail, evaluate, make adjustments and try again. Just do the thing you fear. Feel the fear, and do it anyway. You might even say the road to success is paved with the lessons you learn from your failures.